in the house my parents live in, where i grew up from age ten. my parents are there. dad is telling me if i dont do this thing he wants me to do he will not allow me to go to work and i will be fired. i get pissed. and tell him you make me not want to come home. ever. and you know what else? jesus would not approve. because what your jesus teaches about is love and what you do has NOTHING to do with love.
i run outside, to the backyard. a structure is there which i may have visited earlier in the dream. it is dirt, a cave, a manmade cave/barn? there are installations from students and all are very gory and graphic and depressing.
i crawl deep into it, through tunnels barely large enough to admit me. i crawl into the deepest darkest corner to be away from them, to hide. it is reminiscent of the way sylvia plath tried to kill herself at age nineteen. i have an arm outstretched from this hole. there are people outside trying to get into me. i dont want them to. eventually i escape and burst through barn doors.
switch to ten years or so in the future. voyeuristic view, watching myself as a small elf-like woman with long dark candy red hair down to my ass. a man comes on horseback with news. raza has died. raza, who was my dad. i have inherited a large sum of money. there is one shot up close and i am seeing a shock of my red hair shaking and glistening in the sunlight, with the matching red fruit of a tree behind. i am reading the letter, i think. saying he is dead.
on horseback i think. i go back to see my family and we celebrate.
